Quote of the week, "Are those fireworks or gun shots??"
No shame, No fear, No pride. I decided this was my theme this week. It all started when I scratched my forehead during a lesson and I started bleeding. The little girl we were teaching gave me a giant pink bandaid with butterflies and stuck smack in the middle of my forehead. We then went contacting. We started talking to these two girls and when they went to read my name tag I tried to bring it closer to them. It popped off and smacked the girl in the face. I apologized and smiled and once they left my companion told me I had chocolate all over my teeth.
We then sang in church yesterday "The Spirit of God." When the piano started my companion and I realized we had practiced in a lower note. We sang with the Elders and ward mission leaders. It was absolutely awful, painful, terrible. I started laughing because the sound literally brought pain to my ears. I looked out in the congregation and saw some of the members laughing which only made me laugh harder.
I proceed to tell everyone I am 2 years old and have 19 siblings because cuantos anos tiene and cuantos hermanos tiene sound the same to me especially when it comes from a cute little old lady with only 3 teeth.
In all honestly this week was harder for me. I have been struggling a lot with that universal question all of us battle, "Am I doing enough?" Some days I feel so inadequate. Some days I feel like "Am I even doing anything? Am I even making a difference?" I want so badly to just feel like I am actually helping someone. All I have ever wanted to do was help people. The truth is the more I think about myself the more inadequate I am going to feel. I just have to keep telling myself "God isn´t going to let a 19 year old girl mess this up." I wish I could write this week about all the miracles I saw or how I felt the spirit everyday but quite frankly I would be lying and that just isnt how the mission goes. The mission tests you physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Somedays I am like oh man I need ice cream. Some days after a lesson I am like THAT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!
God doesn’t forget our eternal potential even when we do. So for all of you who want to quit go get some ice cream and keep going! I am going to go get some ice cream and KEEP GOING! I don’t feel like a missionary all the time. Sometimes I feel like just Gabi. Sometimes I feel like people look at me like wow you are a missionary and I am like ha yeah idk what I am doing?? But maybe that’s good. Because I have no idea how to keep going sometimes but I do know how to trust God with all my heart. I do know God loves his children, and because of that I know enough. I know enough to keep going, to keep laughing, to wear bandaids on my foreheard, sing my heart out in church, run away from scary dogs, smile with chocolate on my teeth, and love the Lord with all my heart mind might and strength.
I promise we are not alone in this.