December 21, 2015
My first full day with my companion went something like this.. We were walking by this store when my companion saw this fruit! She told me we absolutely had to buy it because it was so DELICIOUS! I was like "okay yeah you can buy it?" Then she told me I had to eat it! I am using exclamation marks to show how enthusiastic she was about me eating this fruit. It was the weirdest looking fruit but I ate it anyway. She started laughing after I ate it and I was confused? Until about 8 minutes later when I found out why she was laughing..... I have never had to go to the bathroom so bad in my entire life... we were contacting and no where near a bathroom. I turned to her and just gave her the WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME FACE?! She was busting up laughing while I could barely walk. We luckily got to this members house but she is super old and takes like 3 minutes to unlock the door. I was DYING!!!! 3 minutes might seem short but in that moment it was a freaking long 3 minutes! I made it to the bathroom. Don't worry all was well. Moral of the story if someone seems way excited to give you fruit like weirdly excited DO NOT EAT THE FRUIT!
So basically I have gotten even better at staring at peoples house decorations and noticing what wall colors brighten a room or darken a room. And if Jose shrugs his shoulders more than 3 times he feels uncomfortable. If Anna picks her finger nail polish it means she is nervous about something. If Isabella stares at the ground it means she's bored. All the pros being in a foreign country where everyone speaks a language that you still can´t speak or understand. I have become super observant of peoples body language, facial expressions, and staring at their house decor like it is the first time I have seen it even though it's like the 16th time I have been in their house.
So if my pictionary skills don't work out for me I can be a detective or an interior house decorator.
This week I hit an absolute low. We were in the middle of a lesson and I couldn't understand anyone and I was so discouraged! I was sad but that made me even more angry because I didn't want to cry because it was the first time in weeks that I put on make up and I just didn't want to cry so I kept doing that yawn thing where when they looked at me like are you crying? Oh no see I am just yawning and its making my eyes water. Oh look I yawned again see that’s why ha no I am not crying! So after I had my little temper tantrum I realized I can either remain in self pity and discouragement or trust in God and his decision to send me here.
In the midst of our trials we have a choice. To remain in the darkness (where I PROMISE you, you will never find an answer), or take a leap of faith and trust that something good can come out of all this pain. When we feel like life is overwhelming or our trials are just too hard! Stop, and think "Am I making this way more complicated than it has to be?" The scriptures say over and over again that we need to "become like a child." That use to confuse me so much! Like I have worked so hard to become who I am why would I go back to being 4 years old. When you are 4 blue is blue and purple is purple. There is no baby blue, navy blue, aqua marine, lavander, magenta, plum, flower petal shaded lemon yellow orange. Idk that last one 100% isn't a color but you get my point? Do you know God loves you? And do you love God? If you know those 2 things then smile because everything else will fall into place. Don't make it more complicated than it has to be! If it's Satan than pray will all our heart to cast Satan out of your heart and your mind. Sometimes we have to pray to even have a desire to pray. Sometimes we just have to believe in something or someone that we HOPE is there. And that's okay. The point is that you DO NOT REMAIN IN DARKNESS!!! It will become comfortable and the longer you are there the harder it is to come out. Trust me I get it. I was in the dark for several years and I PROMISE YOU THE LIGHT IS SO MUCH BETTER! It's way more fun too :)
Be patient. Trust that God's plan is WAY better than yours. "To believe in God is to have wonderful surprises." I promise you it's never as bad as you think. I live with someone who doesn't speak my language who gives me magical fruit that makes me have to use the bathroom for way longer than the actual lesson we gave them.
Remember you are NEVER alone!